The first rule of nap time is, don’t talk about nap time.
Don’t say “rest,” “relax,” “quiet time,” just don’t mention it and definitely at no point should you say the actual word NAP. That’s an immediate death sentence to whatever single child duty you thought you were going to get for day, forget it.
In the earliest days of bringing my second daughter home, God smiled upon me and I enjoyed several days of tandem naps. There I was binge watching Criminal Minds, writing blogs, perfecting Instagram posts, sipping hot coffee, throwing my gear back and laughing at the poor souls whose wildling children refused to nap, snap chatting my success...
I am so sorry for mocking you nap Gods, just as sorry as I am for not valuing naps when I was young! Why? Who wouldn’t WANT TO NAP??? It’s so amazing. Shut your body down mid-day, drift off to dreamland, wake up ready to finish it out with dinner, bath time, and PJs. What’s not to like?!
A toddler without a nap is no longer a child. It is a creature from the depths sent to destroy you with a self destruction detention time of 8:30 pm. A whiny, over tired, disaster that will cry over not being able to balance a piece of fake fruit on a plate with one hand while it sucks the thumb of the other hand. A tiny tyrant. It demands snacks it doesn’t actually want and it’s dinner is always the wrong thing. You can not win.
All I can say is, buckle up, get a second cup of coffee, pop the cork on that wine and let it breath because you will definitely be coming for it. Right after you successfully put your toddler in bed for the night, and then they get up, and you put them back in, and then they can’t find their doll that is literally right next to them, and then they need sip of water, and now another diaper change. Then, then pour that wine momma....
And the baby is up....
I could not be more paranoid about my kids getting sick right now! I can barely watch the news because they keep talking about people dying from the flu. Guys, people are dying from the FLU! How? Why? Why is the world this way?
I read this post about why you shouldn’t have sex in May, bear with me there’s a point here, and I get it now. Her point was that you will have a holiday baby. Which aside from having to endure the holiday chaos with a new baby which was her concern, I have a bigger one.
The fucking germs!!! All the germs! The germs that are bigger than my one month old! I’m not going to openly admit how many times I have checked her temper since she was born because I would like to still have friends at the end of this blog. But, anyone who has had a newborn knows that magic number 100.4. If the thermometer shows that fateful number, straight to the doctor, day or night.
Is her spit up runnier? Chunkier? Poops? Too much? Not enough? Having a winter baby is the worst I’m just gonna say it. My OB asked me at my six weeks postpartum appointment “Wasn’t it nice to have all that time off during the holidays.” NO. Nice is not the word I would choose. Bundling everyone up to their eyeballs and racing from door to door so the baby isn’t outside too long. Sanitizing all of things, nothing is safe, I’m pretty sure my daughters favorite babydoll got coloroxed! Kidding, but seriously...
It’s not socially acceptable to tell people straight up, “Don’t touch my baby!” It should be! Paws off the barely vaccinated cherub! I know you want to, it’s like they magnetize us. But the germsssssssss! One of my friends wrote that a stranger, yes STRANGER touched her babies face, yes FACE. I would be a homicide suspect y’all!!!
Yesterday during our grocery store adventure (nightmare) this lady started asking how old the baby was and then started trying to lean closer to see her over the fabric of the sling (which I was not going to pull down to expose her) and I started backing away, and I heard my husband hushed “Babe....” it was like slow motion. She did not attempt to touch the baby I believe she picked up on our social cues. Ha! Would you believe she was like offended though judging by what happened next. “Well, she looks sweet...from what I can see.” It was the tone, it made me laugh honestly. I didn’t let my family see her for more than 5 mins out of a sling last weekend, why does this lady think she needs a full view of my baby? People be crazy.
My point, I have one. Order all the groceries. Watch all the Netflix. Bleach all the things. Snuggle all the babies. At home.
Crazy ass, winter, baby momma
Monday was a helluva day. My baby is one month old and I have been flying solo for a few weeks here and getting my groove with two. But, it’s hard. I don’t think that it will ever not be hard. When your kids are little and you are in the thick of it you gotta be able to count on your partner. Luckily, I did a pretty good job choosing one if I do say so.
Choosing the right person is only half of it. Marriage is work. It’s more work when there are two small people who demand 99.9% of your attention daily involved and you can barely keep your eyes open when they are in bed to mumble back in forth about your day. I am still on maternity leave so I am home with the girls 24/7 pretty much right now. That’s tough. My husband helps out where he can in the morning, comes home on lunch, and jumps back in the ring the minute he gets home. These toddler/infant days are all hands on deck.
Just to make it through the day takes all you’ve got. I couldn’t imagine not having my partner to tag team it with me. I love him. He loves me. We do say it, but right now it isn’t the most important phrase in our relationship.
That would be “thank you.”
Thank you for giving our oldest a bath, for doing that load of laundry, for brewing that second pot of coffee, for being here. It doesn’t matter if the things you are they are doing are “their job” or “something you always do.” Just saying thank you and extending the appreciation, voicing it that’s what’s important. People want to feel needed, appreciated, they want to know their efforts aren’t going unnoticed. When you are killing yourself every day to keep the household running either at home or at work, it matters to that someone sees you, sees that you are doing your best.
Just say thank you. I appreciate you. I love you.
I see you are doing your best.
We can do this.
Something has really been weighing on my heart lately and I feel like I need to get real and just get it out. NO. The answer is no and I don't need a reason but, I will give you a few later anyways. No to the event you want me to bring my kids to that is not really kid appropriate. No to your outting that starts at the precise time that my newborn starts her long block of sleep at night. No to you coming to visit said newborn during a time of the day that isn't going to "work" for us.
I have criticized people, let's be really honest here, moms, in the past for running a tight ship. Let's just said our ship sails have been less than "snug" in our house. But, in my ripe old age and with mothering experience I realized a few things. Whatever way they are captaining their ship is none of my business. It affects me likely not at all. If they refuse to have their kids miss a nap, fine. If they don't allow sugar in their house, we will eat our candy when we get home.
The way that someone else parents does not lessen or heighten my parenting style at all. We are all doing it "right."
What happens to be "right" for my family this year, in this stage is saying no. Honestly evaluating situations, assesing their value and saying, thanks but no thanks. Right not we are just not at a point in our lives that we have the ability to say yes to everything for a number of reasons. The major ones being we have a two and less than two month old and it is the middle of cold and flu season. For me that right there is enough of a reason to say no to 90% of the requests.
I am not saying that we are going to be in a bubble for the rest of our lives. I am sayig that we are in a very transitional period in our lives and it is time to focus on us. Our realtionships with our kids and each other. Also, I am not saying that we are going to say no to every single thing. I do want to say though I feel there is a stigma around the word no and a deep guilt that is felt by us for saying it. So, if you feel like you need permission to get out of something that is going to cause you or your family unnecesary stress, or you flat out don't want to do it, here it is.
Just say no. What is worse, saying not to a chaotic party that doesn't have anything age appropriate for your kids to do and runs into nap times and ineveitably causes a fight with your spouse either at the event or on the way to or from it, or, just saying no politely we can't make it, and sending a card.
Don't get me wrong my husband and I do not get into an argument every time we go to an event. However, when we force ourselves and daughter(s) to do something that we have been dreading all week, or we honestly know ahead of time is going to end in an epic meltdown, likely from our oldest, it puts a big stress on us all. I care about you, whoever you are inviting me to something. But, maybe we are just in different points in our lives. Someday I'll be in a position to go all Shonda Rhymes and yes it up. This year is not that point in my life. For my childless peeps, saying yes now means finding someone who will watch BOTH of my children, so whatever the night out costs, double it. Anything we decide to do now has to be REALLY worth it. Like your wedding, don't worry I never miss an opportunity to do the Wobble.
I want to say yes to what is going to be the best for my girls especially and keeping them healthy and comfortable. So no. We can't come. We would love for you to come spend time with us though, in our baby proofed home, or at a child approriate event.
With my first daughter I fortunately, had a really positive breastfeeding experience and I knew I wanted to breastfeed with my second daughter as well. The only thing I would have changed about my experience the first time would have been having more of a stash saved before I went back to work. I intended on changing that the second time around and one of the key elements in that equation would be a really good pump. I don't know if you have shopped for breast pumps lately, but they are not cheap, and who wants to put that on their registry? That's no fun!
I used the Ovia Pregnancy app to track my progress and one day scrolling through I saw an advertisement for Aeroflow Breastpumps. It said that they help you qualify for a FREE breast pump through your insurance, from top brands. I had quite the time getting my breast pump through my insurance the first time around. Searching for a company online that would help me qualify (and was legit), then being told that I had to wait until just a month out before I could order (as if remembering that was on the top of my list), getting a prescription from my OB to prove that I was in fact pregnant and in need of a pump (who would want one if they weren't pregnant?), and then having very limited options of which pump I could choose.
About half way through my pregnancy I went on to the site via the link in the Ovia app. Entered my information and also immediately got an email that said I would be contacted in 3-5 business days. They let me know that since I wasn’t due for a while they would contact me one month out from my due date to make my choice of breast pump and would contact my provider for a prescription. That easy!
I set an alert in my phone to contact Aeroflow a month out from my due date, but I had an email from them that morning! It confirmed that I was qualified and had a link to the site to make my selection. I chose The Medela Pump in Style Double Breast Pump. I got a confirmation email and it shipped within a week. No cost to me, a brand new, top of the line double breast pump came right to my door. Once my sweet baby girl arrived my new pump and I got to work, I have to say my breastfeeding and pumping journey has been even better this second time around!
I highly recommend checking if your insurance coverage supports you getting your breast pump through Aeroflow. The customer service is excellent and the process was so easy. A great breast pump shouldn’t be out of reach for anyone who desires to breastfeed their baby, its a tough journey, I’m glad Aeroflow makes getting a pump stress free because lord knows motherhood isn't!
This is a sponsored post and I was compensated for my honest review of my experience with Aeroflow Breastpumps.
For me the new year is not about becoming a new person, I embrace the person I have become. I don’t want to wash away all the experiences that have gotten me to this place and this space I am in.
That said this last year has been about getting uncomfortable, growing, and lots of change. Change to our family, changing careers, changing in relationships. Its been a year of growth and in growing there is pain.
There were some really HIGH highs, and really LOW lows all around. But, being on the bottom makes getting to the top that much more worth it, that much sweeter, that much more appreciated.
I am so glad I pushed and spent so much time doing little and big things with my oldest before her sister came along. Becoming a mom of two is no joke, some of it was expected but some of it hit me like a ton of bricks. I didn’t think it would be so emotional. The physical exhaustion, I expected that. Feeling all of the “lasts” with my first daughter and experiencing all the “firsts” with my second, is an emotional exhaustion I didn't see coming. It’s a strange mix of sadness and excitement.
2017 was a transitional year on all fronts and it absolutely made me take a look at my priorities and what direction I want my life and my family’s. It has been an “all hands on deck” just to stay afloat type of year but, I think sometimes you need that. Sometimes we need to have a scrappy year where we are forced to see what’s important, what we really need.
2018 is sure to be another for the books. I’m done just surviving though, I’m ready to thrive. Thrive in my marriage, as a mom, in my career, in relationships, personally and for business. It’s time to get the most out of every aspect of my life no matter what this year. That's why I chose "THRIVE" for my word of the year. While I was soul searching and Insta scrolling trying to decide the direction that I wanted my life to take this year, the word spoke to me. Plans are being made, goals are being set, not for a resolution but, for a REALITY.
What's your word for the year?
Shauna Hyler, mommy of two beautiful girls! Working, blogging, and adventuring with the hubby and my sweet girls.