The first rule of nap time is...

The first rule of nap time is, don’t talk about nap time.

Don’t say “rest,” “relax,” “quiet time,” just don’t mention it and definitely at no point should you say the actual word NAP. That’s an immediate death sentence to whatever single child duty you thought you were going to get for day, forget it.

In the earliest days of bringing my second daughter home, God smiled upon me and I enjoyed several days of tandem naps. There I was binge watching Criminal Minds, writing blogs, perfecting Instagram posts, sipping hot coffee, throwing my gear back and laughing at the poor souls whose wildling children refused to nap, snap chatting my success...

I am so sorry for mocking you nap Gods, just as sorry as I am for not valuing naps when I was young! Why? Who wouldn’t WANT TO NAP??? It’s so amazing. Shut your body down mid-day, drift off to dreamland, wake up ready to finish it out with dinner, bath time, and PJs. What’s not to like?!

A toddler without a nap is no longer a child. It is a creature from the depths sent to destroy you with a self destruction detention time of 8:30 pm. A whiny, over tired, disaster that will cry over not being able to balance a piece of fake fruit on a plate with one hand while it sucks the thumb of the other hand. A tiny tyrant. It demands snacks it doesn’t actually want and it’s dinner is always the wrong thing. You can not win.

All I can say is, buckle up, get a second cup of coffee, pop the cork on that wine and let it breath because you will definitely be coming for it. Right after you successfully put your toddler in bed for the night, and then they get up, and you put them back in, and then they can’t find their doll that is literally right next to them, and then they need sip of water, and now another diaper change. Then, then pour that wine momma....

And the baby is up....