You can only truly "learn" to parent once your child is in front of you. All that BS we say to one another about what type of parent we are going to be is JUST that. You have not a damn clue. You can talk about what type of parent you aspire to be but you don’t really know until it happens, boom, you have a kid out in the world!
Three things my FIRST born taught me.
1. I know nothing.
"I was the perfect parent until I had kids."
Yep that was me, misses know it all with a list 10 feet long of "things I would NEVER do as a mom. Isn't that just freaking hilarious.
2. I can only parent the child I was given, er, made.
I had a billion list and ideas and things I would and wouldn't do and plans, ha plans! I had 'em. The way the I can parent is 100% based on my reactions and interactions with this small human, who is very different from me, but a mirror image of me all at once. I can not take credit for all that she is, I can choose how to react and how to parent her only, not an imaginary being I thought would appear that always listened and potty trained herself and would never misbehave in public. Not that child, this child I have that is a living breathing human I can not control.
3. Patience, Patience, Patience.
Nothing was happening on my timeline or my way anymore, this was a tough one to swallow but a very necessary lesson to learn. I was no longer the boss, this tiny human is in charge of me, when I sleep, when I eat, when she eats, I am simply the vessel.
Three things my LAST born taught me.
1. You HAVE TO say no.
Life is a whirlwind with one, its a Tsunami with two. There is no more yes to everything. There is no more accommodating. No is my new favorite word. No because they need naps, no because it's too hot, it's too cold, no because I simply do not want to. What ever is best for my village is what I shall choose.
2. You can do this.
It is fucking hard being a parent. It is hard everyday. But, I can do it and so can you. We do it everyday. When people compliment me on surviving, hell somedays even thriving with two I take it in grace, because the next day there could be a turd in the middle of my floor and barf in my hair. We are all hot messes but we can do it, we DO do it, somehow, everyday. Sometimes it is like I am living the life of one of my beautiful Instagram squares and some days it pure chaos and tears. Either way, I get it done.
3. You made the right choice.
When I look at my girls together sometimes I just tear up. This is it. Even though I was miserable at the end of my pregnancy, even though I am tired and sore down to my bones sometimes.
Every pound gained.
Every contraction felt.
Every late night wake up.
Every nursing session.
Every pump session.
Every single thing is worth it. Every. ONE.
Three things my NIECE taught me.
1. It's not where you come from, it's where you belong.
I don't really have to explain this I don't think. ❤️
2. You don't get to decide when the time is right.
After watching the journey that led to her, I am amazed. It is just proof that we are not in control and what child comes to us when is not up to us. And now, here we are, basking in the joy of some of the most joyful children I have ever met.
3. Even though someone parents different than you, it's also perfect.
Just like I said I can only parent the kiddos I have the same goes for everyone else. My sister and her wife couldn't have a more different take on parenting than my husband and I. How happy are our girls? Like lil piglets in poop happy. Every single one. They are the perfect parents for her and are we for our girls. Let stop with the damn shaming already! I am 100% positive I would not be the right parent for my niece and my sisters aren't perfection for my girls. But, would we all lay down out lives and do whatever it takes for anyone of these ladies? You bet your ass.
Shauna Hyler, mommy of two beautiful girls! Working, blogging, and adventuring with the hubby and my sweet girls.