Car Carts and Cooties

I could not be more paranoid about my kids getting sick right now! I can barely watch the news because they keep talking about people dying from the flu. Guys, people are dying from the FLU! How? Why? Why is the world this way?

I read this post about why you shouldn’t have sex in May, bear with me there’s a point here, and I get it now. Her point was that you will have a holiday baby. Which aside from having to endure the holiday chaos with a new baby which was her concern, I have a bigger one.

The fucking germs!!! All the germs! The germs that are bigger than my one month old! I’m not going to openly admit how many times I have checked her temper since she was born because I would like to still have friends at the end of this blog. But, anyone who has had a newborn knows that magic number 100.4. If the thermometer shows that fateful number, straight to the doctor, day or night.

Is her spit up runnier? Chunkier? Poops? Too much? Not enough? Having a winter baby is the worst I’m just gonna say it. My OB asked me at my six weeks postpartum appointment “Wasn’t it nice to have all that time off during the holidays.” NO. Nice is not the word I would choose. Bundling everyone up to their eyeballs and racing from door to door so the baby isn’t outside too long. Sanitizing all of things, nothing is safe, I’m pretty sure my daughters favorite babydoll got coloroxed! Kidding, but seriously...

It’s not socially acceptable to tell people straight up, “Don’t touch my baby!” It should be! Paws off the barely vaccinated cherub! I know you want to, it’s like they magnetize us. But the germsssssssss! One of my friends wrote that a stranger, yes STRANGER touched her babies face, yes FACE. I would be a homicide suspect y’all!!!

Yesterday during our grocery store adventure (nightmare) this lady started asking how old the baby was and then started trying to lean closer to see her over the fabric of the sling (which I was not going to pull down to expose her) and I started backing away, and I heard my husband hushed “Babe....” it was like slow motion. She did not attempt to touch the baby I believe she picked up on our social cues. Ha! Would you believe she was like offended though judging by what happened next. “Well, she looks sweet...from what I can see.” It was the tone, it made me laugh honestly. I didn’t let my family see her for more than 5 mins out of a sling last weekend, why does this lady think she needs a full view of my baby? People be crazy.

My point, I have one. Order all the groceries. Watch all the Netflix. Bleach all the things. Snuggle all the babies. At home.

Sincerely,
Crazy ass, winter, baby momma
Xoxo