The Old Man and The Teat

Gather ‘round the teat babes it’s story time.
As you all know I took my stroller for it’s inaugural outing to the zoo.
Things were going pretty smoothly and it was time for the baby to eat so we rolled up into the giraffe house. I felt oddly comfortable nursing coverless among the beasts.
Big girl ran around and shouted things to her bff as they pointed at the giraffes.
My sweet friend thankfully wrangled them both while I nursed.

I packed myself away and got the baby strapped back in, started getting the big one back in the front of the stroller and it happened...
@kamajalundh and her sweet babe exited the building and I thought we would be right behind...but...my toddler decided this was an opportune time to turn her body into linguini.
Linguini can not be strapped into a stroller.

Cue the poor old man who didn’t know what was about to hit him.
“Ma’am do you need some help what can I do should I hold the stroller for you?”
Guys I didn’t mean to but, I was sweating, milk covered, in a heightened state of anxiety in public with two kids.
“No, no I’m fine.”
Would you believe he persisted!? So, I HAD TO, I let him have it.
“SIR I DO NOT NEED HELP THE STROLLER IS LOCKED WE ARE FINE!”

Yes I am well aware I am a mom-ster. But, at that point I had to commit and do it alone. Eventually I got my little Italian carb dish into the stroller. And off we went to the dairy facility (how perfect right?). I started to feel bad for the old man. But, when I got outside and told the story to my girlfriend she said

“What the heck? What does he think you do when he isn’t around?”

I almost pissed my pants. How fucking true is that? Old man how would I get through life without your help? Now, don’t get me wrong yes, sometimes I wish someone would save me when I’m drowning in children. Unfortunately, for that fine gentlemen, on this particular day, I was on a mission with a point to prove and this lady didn’t need no help! Not from him! Maybe from my friend, but not from that strange man judging a hot mess momma.


He didn’t know this was no where close to worst case scenario. I consider that little episode an successful, even easy day. A win for momma. Barely a scene that raised a need for a life vest. It’s ok to not take help too. You know what you can handle, and I knew my girl would be there in a heartbeat with a preserver if the tides rose! But, some people don’t know a monsoon from a sprinkle, everyone’s perception is different.


I hope that poor old man still offers to help someone whose drowning. Just not me. Ha!