I am at the point in my pregnancy where it is considered "safe" for baby girl to be born.
*you hear that baby?!*
Which means, overthinking is is full force. I drove to my OB appointment the other day, just minding my business blasting some Pentatonix Christmas jams, when some strange emotions joined me, uninvited I might add. I was teary eyed. For what? This was the first of my weekly appointments which means the end is near. I didn't have my toddler with me and she is usually at my appointments, and even though she usually just destroys the waiting room and has little to no desire to be at the doctor with me, the look in her eyes when she hears baby sister is just "all the feels."
There I was tear filled eyes belting "Mary did you know?" what a hot ass mess.
Then, yesterday the three of us (me, my daughter, and husband) were going to the store yesterday and I looked down at my big girl holding my husbands hand. My tiny human. So big but so small. How did we get here? Toddler and a newborn comin' in hot.
Then, last night, I was watching Blackish. Completely unprepared to be accosted again by feelings. Drew was talking about how excited we get for all of the firsts with our kids but that lasts fall by the wayside. THAT'S IT! That's what I have been feeling. Living completely unaware of when mundane tasks or big things will be the "last" for my big. Some of it wont be the last time she does things, but the last time she or we do them with her as my only. It's kind of amazing to think about.
It really has made me take pause. I will be sad when these times are gone. I will miss our "old life" when it changes forever. But, then we are opening ourselves up to a new kind of wonderful.
It's sort of like what we say in our farewell speeches in pageantry,
"For the last time,
Your Miss WI Teen USA, blah, blah, blah."
It is the end of an era, but those words for me were also sort of a relief. Maybe,
"For the last time,
Your only child, blah, blah, blah" will be a relief for my oldest too.
It makes way for a new and amazing life, one with a sibling, new type of family, sort of a fresh start.
I hope she doesn't feel the weight of all of the last things. I hope the transition is less than traumatic. I hope she is ready for all of her firsts as a big sister. We are so ready to be "first time parents" of another sweet baby, for the last time.
Shauna Hyler, mommy of two beautiful girls! Working, blogging, and adventuring with the hubby and my sweet girls.