Dear "Play Date Moms"

Dear "Play Date Moms,"

I see you, piping hot Starbucks, one for your smiling girl friend with her baby in a sling, you sachet in with you baby bump while your toddler almost gets crushed by the closing door, but don't spill that latte girl. *hug, cheek kiss, "you didn't have to bring this you are too sweet"*


I see you girl, chatting while your kid gets yelled at by the life guard. Swaying your infant and sipping your green tea while your toddler snatches something from my kid.


I see you, fawning over your friend's new bundle of joy while your toddler shoves hers over and takes her toy. Then, you both beg them to play nice and do some activity that is right in your eyesight that they don't give a shit about, but you don't want to chase them, and they don't want to do the same thing.


I see you, laughing, catching up, livin' it up in the shade of the sandbox while your kids asks me to help fill their pale.


Oh, why is your kid asking me? Because I'm HERE with my kid. Helping, playing, getting dirty, laughing with her.


Oh, I have a friend here too, she's right over there! "Hey girl!" She's es down on her hands and knees playing too. We can't finish a conversation because our kids run to two different ends of the park simultaneously.


Friend, I'm here, but I'm not here for you girl. Sorry not sorry. I'm here get my kid out the house. I'm here so my kid can hang out with your kids and not grow up to be a dick because she's never had to share. (Yes your kids are test subjects for siblings.)


I'm here, for her. To help her, to laugh with her, to play and get dirty with her. If I we want to "see" each other or actually finish and adult conversation, we can grab some drinks.


Play dates are not social hour. Sorry to break it to you moms. And, I totally thought they would be, like sweet I'll get to "hang out" with my mom friends all the time and we'lI just lunch, and laugh and chat. No, no, no, I generally finish one to two thoughts at any given play date unless the children are confined to strollers.


I don't tell my kid not to "interrupt me while adults are talking", surprise we are at a fucking zoo, a place for children to see animals and learn and observe and tell you all the things see. Listen to your kid don't shush them!


These "kid" activities are for surprise, KIDS, your kids. Look up from your flat white and check if your kid is alive, or bullying someone else's kid.


I didn't come here discipline or assist your kid I never met in my life, I wanna spend time with my kid and her little homies she is rollin' with or whoever she chooses to play with. I'm not your babysitter. I will ask your kid "where's your mom sweetie?" If they are being a terror or need your help. I have no shame, none. I will tell them "no she can't try that" when they scream that's mine about some toy that they aren't touching and how no claim to. I paid my money to get in here just like you and I want my kid to have the best experience, period.


You can call me a helicopter mom if you want but, I bet you won't see my kid shoving yours down the slide. *oh yes I saw you little girl at the pool, some kids need to work up a little courage before they plummet into the water, paws to yourself, where is your mom?!* And if she does, I bet I will see it and correct it, and have her (she's two so this is a struggle) or I will apologize for her behavior and redirect.


It's all love mommas but some of y'all need to hear this. If your pissed, maybe you've had one to many frappes.

BRB. Gotta make sure my propellers are in working order.....